sink to the the beat

Fri, 11 May 2007 23:01:02 GMT

so apparently ryan reads this journal even though i havent posted in a year or more

read this

you are walking away and i am sad about that becasue of all the energy i put into trying to salvage a freindship out of a merde romance. everyone has told me this is the right thing to do "dont talk to him he is a fucker."

one day you will grow enough to what you did is beyond a sin but wrong to do to anyone. it felt good and you were happier and you are not sorry about the deed becasue it felt right. just because it feels right does not mean its right. and if you can let go of her and you do this again to other people you will wear yourself out but worse. .. have you looked at the people you have worn out.
another dead narcisist is what you shall be which is a shame because of that poor romantic soul of yours. without women you are in the clouds and you have this pathetic air because you love women. i would know.. christ. dont poison yourself
so if its love go ahead and do it because i want you to be happy but if you are going to wait for hear get over it like i have for you.

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 18:26:33 GMT

im gonna fucking try to get my drivers liscence again today
at 3:40.

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 22:29:28 GMT

im getting tired of school and how ceaslessly it goes in a pattern no matter how i try to test its function.
i have been bad about writing in my livejournal as of late, that is for sure. i apologise.
i am sending in my MICA application tomorow

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 20:18:47 GMT

i missed school today to get my liscence
which i failed to do because i was going 10 miles under the speed limit on a rural highway.
also the instructor had such a fat ass he could not fit into the volvo seat.

now i am at home and have nothing to do because i am too broke to get painting stuff and cannot drive myself to the art store.

i have an appointment with the shrink at 5;30 maybe he will take me off the medicine that makes it hurt to eat.

the ski trip is tomorow i can hardly wait. although i swear this year cannot be as good as the last year. yes anything will pale in comparison to last year. meeting ryan and all the good and bad that followed. i hate nostalgia but i cant help to reflect. i miss him alot right now but it will omly be a few more weeks.

wolf camera lost my film again....assholes

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 13:12:47 GMT

i have been a bad bad updater
my inconsistancy bothers me.
going back to school was bad. worse that starting back from the summer. which is really bad.
-------------
break was nice for the most part. new years in gainesville was crunk. when cool kids are at a dance aprty there is good music. the mix was something like !!!, le tigre, oingo boing, madonna and paul wall. we ended up at kroger around 2 in the morning. everyone in gainesville eats meat becasue its the chicken capital of the fucking universe. i bought an apple and 4 dollar kroger color film. after kroger we watched barber shop II and 1/3 of fight club 4 times. around 7 we went to waffle house and 9 of us ate for about 14 dollars.
-------------
i cant stand to look at another 16 weeks of school. its really bad now. i feel trapped. they put me on anti deppresants as of thurday but i would rather just have relief now.

i have a painting project/concept if anyone would buy or give me some paint that would be great.

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 20:10:16 GMT

I say dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, whohoo...
you're such an ugly motherfucker dance

exams oh examms
1 down 4 to go
french is tomorow that will be easy
you are such an ugly motherfucker dance

violent femmes ws amazing. the drummer look just like me chemisrty teach but monika and i blew him kisses anyway
ew

i am lacking inspiration right now and my new painting sucks alot.i drew some this weekend but to no avail. i bought a new caner but can only find color film for it and i dont even know if the pictures will turn out right because it is an old brownie hawkeye
I say dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, whohoo...
you're such an ugly motherfucker dance

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 01:45:52 GMT

&&&& ryan collins and i are going to violent femmes sunday

I say dance
I say dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, whohoo...
you're such an ugly motherfucker dance

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 01:37:29 GMT

thanksgivin was awkard everyone is in bad healt except dear laura. i felt terrible and then felt bad for not being able to do anything. my mom was not feeling good either so we tried to stay together but in the end, looking back, we mostly just fought. viciously.

i got a job! at canton street antiques. on well...canton street. they needed some help anround there and i will get paid alot more than recently. so if you need an old sofa or a lamp or some vintage clothes you should check us out.

i miss ryan and evie

Wed, 23 Nov 2005 01:32:21 GMT

so this is how it went down

against me kicked asssss: andrew didnt show, chris didnt show, alex didnt show, other andrew didnt show, claire didnt show up, paul did not show up, schroder did not show up

yes emma was alone at the show. but i met other cool people and i guy i have seem at alot of taj shows who could skank like a madman.

against me was so great i have never worked that hard in a pit ... ever. wow

i got home at 1-12.24ish didnt sleep becasue i was too excited. the next day right dead after and exhausted empty day at school i headed off to camp mikell. mikell was beautiful ive really never had such a spiritually moving few days. i had a great family group and they had really decent vegan food. [spinach salad and tomato soup for 3 days!] i feel fat now really.

on the way back i hung out in gainesville with ryan and his cousin ean (pronounced ian or maybe he misspelled it i am not sure) we went to walmart and hackj0rd coke machines

i finished a painting

28 degrees

psychobilly rules

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 00:00:12 GMT

this is not so much a mone as a few pieces of drywall and some doors.
its cold outside and i havent taken off my michael jackson jacket and sweater all day.

my birthday was last week. i played croquet with kiki in the prk on the occasion. it way so s os so soosos much fun. even if the croquet was mediocore. boy were pretty much voilated. shopping carts were stolen. new amazing freinds were made. i also spent satuday and sunday hanging out with ryan. The five points halloween parade was a real horrowshow (i saw kiki once again, it has been determined we live parallel lives). it was particularly great being with him. because he is the only person who is not ultra voilent when we jump on the trapmoline. well usually.

today i was abandon at the library or about 3 hours. roswell a good music section. i got a photo albun of CBGB's by david fucking byrne as well as a biography of the DC scene with an afterword by guy piccoto. as well as lots of out of print Nabakov (despair, ava, fame)

listing the events of my life gets boring so i have turned to this.
i have been reading a book on the minds of artistes and i have determined that my existance is that of one. i have alsofigured out that i am not alone in some of the self deprecatingh things i think and general aesthetic...that is if i can find more people whp think like me. it is at times lik;e this that i really miss SCAD and cannot wait to get into college .... somewhere

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 02:03:34 GMT

wowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwoww

tomorow lillie and i are meeting with dean freer because he has decided to consider revering the schools stance on GSA (gay straight alliance) this means that we could have one up and going in as little as two weeks !!!!!

this is a huge step for the most conservative militant school this side of atlanta.

i have been thrifting alot lately in search of the perfect "janet" or "magenta" outfit for rocky horror. i did find a red michal jackson billie jean jacket that i have been wearing even to sleep .i love it.

monika took clair and i to rocky horror friday. my cousing andrew showed up and may have been a little drunk. "shes my cousing but i am not exactly sure how we are related." i asked him if he wanted to watch it with us he just said "fruit".

against me sent me an email that i will post later . we are going to have sandwiches together in atlanta!

my birthday is sunday.

me and my freinds are so smart

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 02:54:49 GMT

madame butterfly was awesome

seriously . i have never been to something like that it was incredible.

unseen and a global threat this weekend probably.

. have been losing sleep over non-objectivism i know kids my age are not supposed to do that.

folate facts

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 01:44:12 GMT

many-a-things things are falling apart.

...and everybody is so angry or just doesnt care, there is no middleground with 95 percent of people. and i am starting to hate the way i categorize people like this. but it seens my only means of organization. what a cruel and terrible thing.

i started be realize how much i enjoy my senses today on the bus. i sat on the two steps that are near the ground on the front of the bus the whole way home. although it smelled like deisel it was nice rushing along a few inches above he pavement all 35 miles home.

boy, i love bad art

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 23:21:59 GMT

people thought chris and i were terrorist photographers yesterday. werd

not really those are mannequin hands that were on top of some dyer, i put them in there

we are not killers

unless you would pay

but that one is cheerier^

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 21:13:01 GMT

i need to get out of this house
really

X isnt coming . i am going to kill whoever posted that on the masquerade website. i acutally hit my head on the table (by accident) when i found out. a global threat is in 3 weeks though. there is a light! the completely terrible chariot show friday was good except for the actual music. some guy punched me in the pit but alex's bible teacher punched him back. the scarriest part of that show was trying to climb the overpass with chris. Before the show chris and i hung out at rolli polli. no wonder he hates his job. it was a nasty part of town, and resturant.
ryan came back saturday. we talked for 8 hours sunday night . i got 45 minutes of sleep.
i am running off of ritalin [which is starting to not work anymore]and a little caffine.

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 23:02:08 GMT

good news!
my dag is not a repiblican.
i got her a donkey and an elephant chew toy. she completely murdered the elephant chew toy.

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 01:31:18 GMT

democracy as demonstrated with two cows

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

APPLIED COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

MILITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the right to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because of bad fung shui.

FEMINISM: You have two cows. they get married and adopt a calf.

TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are "associated with" (the concept of 'ownership' is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

COUNTERCULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows, an. You have **got** to have some of this milk.

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 01:27:14 GMT

i am getting tired
i need a new means of communication because words are too restrictive of late.

and my "spiderland" 45 is skipping as well as "cowboy eternal."

whats you name?

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 23:46:35 GMT

calculus of today mustang + fries + free refills + matches + lighter + chips 324892304972394 8cigarettes (rounded to the nearest power) + aesol = 30 minutes of the good life i miss ryan christopher collins it has been 3 days now that he has been across the sea. i want to do more photography soon . i am having withdrawls.

midol

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 17:43:51 GMT

ill probably marry cat power*

this week was better. despite this i am being made to go to a shrink and tak edepresision madicine starting tuesday. Thursday was weezer all that matted was the fact ryan chirstopher collins was there and EL SCHORCHO was played. rivers was darn hot and we were right next to him when he played accoustic ''island in the sun" in the audience. we chilled outside on the grass for a while and in his car. there were no stars outside.

he left for chile a few hours later and is gone for the next week. blasted :{[ (sadness with a mustache). miss him

friday was an "out of uniform" i manages to make it out of the uniforn we were wearing on out of uniform day if that makes sense.*

saturday homecoming was nice except for the lack of signifgant other. i had been pacticing my dancing* which paid off.

* not really

oxymormon

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 21:08:21 GMT

so very many things

i think im going to be kathleen hannah for homecoming . what a great excuse to come to school in a bra
...either that or ace frehly

thursday im leaving town, though hardly even overnight, to see ryan. i miss him,

i think against me! is playing athens tonight. blast!

i took a few nice pictures in the mountains with dear lillie

to those you you who know i am obsessed with slint : a reason for taking pictures of spiderwebs for 2 hours.

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 03:19:59 GMT

gretta cohn left cursive .... dammit dammit

i already have had two detentions this year . second week. eeeghk.

i figured i owed that by now

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 02:22:50 GMT

panic attacks this week : around 3
days before school starts : 3

this summer has been really good, i plan to reflect later.
this week has been terrible.
h-o-s-p-i-t-a-l

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 02:04:03 GMT

i would rather get hit by a train than go back to the academy

a lovely train with a red caboose. and lots of cars

i get to go to gainesville saturday with the bestestkidever. I can escape from 880 Brooksglen drive and we will watch "coffee and cigarettes" and i can generally adore his prescence. and maybe find a train. that is afterwards.

gee this is the most morbid entry ever.

Dear Chris Kong: Bruce lee is waiting for you

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 23:15:06 GMT

who wants to watch some bruce lee before school starts.

other than that i have no idea what to do over the mext few days.

Kiki the girl i met at sleater kinney is taking me to a show at eyedrum tomorow. hmmm eyedrum is always so wierd.

i need to write letters again.